Fun with Pets, Take Two.

Why is it that the cats with the really furry behinds are the ones that are afflicted with explosive kitty diarrhea?

Yes, it has happened again.

Let me paint a picture for you: I get out of the shower, and open up the bathroom door so that Smokey can come in & look at me like I’m supposed to do something. He’s always done this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and I think he’s getting tired of it after 14 years. But I digress. I am hit by a wall of something that smells God-awful horrid. No, it’s worse. And keep in mind, I am well-acquainted with bad smells, what with my trips to the Body Farm.

This. Was. Bad.

I think that maybe one of the cats did a particularly nasty “stinky” in the litter box, so I venture out of the bathroom with the intent to scoop up whatever is making that smell & dispose of it. Quickly.

Oh no, it’s much worse. I see a brown streak in the bedroom. It’s calling me forward. I walk through the bedroom to the foyer, and look in the living room. Oh joy! I see 3 other nasty, messy brown streaks. One has chunks in it. No, really—chunks.

I am stunned into silence. Why has this happened to me? Am I not a good kitty mom? Do I not get the good kitty food, the kind that doesn’t upset their tummies? I rule out that it’s the food rather quickly, because Smokey isn’t sick. How do I know?

He’s not the one with diarrhea clinging to his butt fur. Mouse, however, is one big ball o’poo. So, my first plan of action is to clean her up, thus preventing the spread of further nastiness.

Now, I know why cats scoot across the floor—their heinies itch. You would think that having a nice, warm washcloth clean you up and remove the itchy stuff would be welcome. You would be wrong. Mouse really doesn’t like it when I clean her hind quarters with a washcloth. In fact, I would say that she hates it.

But, I persevered and cleaned her up, and then grabbed my beloved Bissell SpotLifter (again—it’s fabulous and everyone should have one.) and got to work. It took a few passes, but I have successfully removed all tell-tale signs that my cat’s rear end exploded.

This morning I composed a haiku to commemorate the event, and I’ll try to reproduce it here:

Mouse butt exploding
Brown streaks ever expanding
Bissell SpotLifter

I doubt that it’ll with a Pulitzer (do they give those for haiku?), but it made me feel better.

Some of you commented on my last entry about a similar event that this is to prepare me for motherhood, and the messiness that comes with babies. On most points that were brought up, I agree. But here’s one point that I think few can argue with:

Babies don’t have furry bottoms from which it takes an act of God and enormous courage to completely remove all traces of poo.