Help!

Okay, scroll down to the picture below. Can anyone tell me what the problem is??? See, when we moved in those long 5 years ago, we never had keys to our deadbolt locks. No biggie...it's keyed on one side (outside), so at night, we just turn the lever & we lock it. We don't worry about locking the deadbolt when we leave, so it's never been a big deal. Until now, when we're trying to sell the house, and someone may actually want a working deadbolt (or at least one that has a key). No problem. I go into Lowe's, purchase two deadbolts, and go home. I install the first one on the front door--goes in like a champ, no problems, couldn't have been easier. I was so proud of myself. The fact that it was so easy should have been the first clue.

I move to the back door. I put the deadbolt mechanism into the hole that the old one just came out of, and test out the deadbolt by holding up the keyed side & the lever-locking side into it, and the deadbolt isn't retracting. I take a close look. I put it in upside down. So I unscrew the 1 1/2 inch-long wood screws, pull the mechanism out--OH! It says "UP" on it! Duh! So I put it back in...the RIGHT way up. Screw in the 1 1/2" long wood screws. I line up the keyed side on the outside (ha! You thought I put it in backwards!!! Nope....), and the turn thingy on the inside. And it won't lock. It's stuck. Hmmmm.....so I take apart the keyed lock & lever thingy, unscrew the 1 1/2" long wood screws (by this time, my cordless screwdriver [thanks, Dad!!!] is really starting to complain. I've already changed the battery once....). Oh--I didn't turn & lock the mechanism, fully extending it, before I put it into the hole. Oops. I fully extend it, turning it & locking it like the directions (who needs to read directions???) say to do. I put the mechanism back in, screw in the 1 1/2"....you get the message. Still doesn't seem like it is working as smoothly as it should. Then I try to close the door. Nope--the deadbolt is sticking out too far. So I remove the entire thing, chisel out a bit from the hole to seat the mechanism further into the door. Put it all back together, have to switch to a manual screwdriver for a bit to give the cordless one a break. STILL WON'T WORK. I then switch tactics, and chisel out a bit on the door jamb so the deadbolt will fit in a bit more closely...I even hammer on the lock plate (or whatever the metal thing is that the deadbolt fits into on the door jamb) to make the inside part curve down a bit. It fits in, but the lock still isn't really turning. Then I figure out it's because the hole isn't big enough!!!

Well, that's easy enough to fix!!! I'll have this deadbolt installed in a jiffy!!! I go to our toolbox, pull out our hole screw thingy (fits into the end of a drill, makes a perfectly round hole...it's the greatest thing since sliced bread!) and make myself a nice, neat, even round hole. I was going to town...I saw smoke, I made the wood scream, the drill got so hot I nearly burned myself. Boy, was I on FIRE! (No, nothing actually caught fire. That may have been a blessing...at least then we could have collected insurance money.) I put the mechanism back in (with the 1 1/2" long woodscrews, whose heads by now are looking like they've been gnawed on my a hungry badger), attached the keyed part & the lever thingy on the correct sides, and, well....take a look & see what I did.

Any suggestions????